


Stay, Always

by zhedang



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Canon Era, Demisexual Eren Yeager, Demisexual Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin), Demisexuality, Everyone Thinks They're Together, M/M, Mistaken for Being in a Relationship, Orphanage, Pining, Pining Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin), Post-Canon, Retirement, Snk MiniBang
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-03
Updated: 2016-09-03
Packaged: 2018-08-11 22:20:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,896
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7909792
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zhedang/pseuds/zhedang
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The war against the Titans is over. Levi, retired from the Survey Corps, now works at the orphanage Historia established. Squad Leader Eren Yeager is a frequent visitor between expeditions. When Levi learns that many people assume he and Eren have been a couple for years, he is taken aback– is he really that obvious? Meanwhile, Eren has something on his mind too, but he won’t say what.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Stay, Always

**Author's Note:**

> My fic for the SnK Mini-Bang! I'm excited to finally post this since it's an idea I've had floating in my head for a while! I got paired up with three awesome artist, so I will link to their work once I get the chance!
> 
> Please note that there's some minor, non-graphic discussion of sexual assault. Shoot me a message on tumblr (zhedang.tumblr.com) if you have any questions.

Levi is working on a desk that won’t stop wobbling when he hears it. First, the quick patter of small feet and then the familiar cry: “Leeeeeeeeeeeviiiii!”

“In here,” he calls out. The footsteps come to a sudden halt in the open doorway. Levi turns his head to see Milek standing there, his pale face flushed red and his white-blond hair in complete disarray. “What is it?” Levi asks.

“Something’s up on the roof and Cheney and them are throwing rocks at it and they’re gonna break the windows,” Milek reports, the words spilling out in a single breath.

Levi sighs, putting the desk leg he removed aside. Usually, he wouldn’t indulge Milek’s penchant for tattle-telling, but if a window does break, Levi will be the one fixing it.

Milek scampers away, this time hollering, “You guys better stop! Levi’s coming!”

Levi follows Milek’s voice out into the courtyard. His warning did little good because Cheney, Ayer, and Tad still hold stones in their hands. Cheney prepares to send his soaring, but he spots Levi and immediately drops the rock. The other two boys do the same.

Levi stops in front of them. “What are you doing?” he asks flatly.

For a long moment, the boys just shift on their feet. Ayer and Tad both glance between Cheney and Levi. Cheney stares at the ground, face out of sight.

Ayer relents first, his soft voice more hushed than usual. “We were just trying to get Vanna’s doll down.” He points to a little but colorful lump up on the roof.

“And you three figured that throwing rocks at it was the best way to do it, huh?”

“It was my idea,” Tad pipes up, moving to stand in front of Cheney. Though he and Cheney are the same age, Tad is much smaller than him and still has the frail, underfed look that Cheney and his brother both outgrew after half a year at the orphanage. “Don’t punish Cheney and Ayer too.”

It wasn’t Tad’s idea. Tad could be mischievous, but he isn’t reckless enough to risk breaking a window just for some ill-advised fun. And Ayer, despite being two years older than his brother and Tad, is more of a follower than a leader. No, this has Cheney written all over it.

Levi folds his arms over his chest and and stares down at the dark-skinned boy. “Is that the truth, Cheney?”

Cheney shrugs one shoulder, scraping the heel of one shoe into the ground.

Once again, it’s his brother who speaks up. “We’re sorry, Levi,” Ayer says. “We know better than to throw rocks. We won’t do it again.”

Levi keeps his gaze on Cheney, but the kid keeps his head down. He never looks Levi in the eye, though Levi has noticed he doesn’t have any problem interacting with the other adults at the orphanage. Levi suspects it’s because he’s the only man, but he has no proof.

The lunch bell clangs and the three boys all turn towards its direction. Levi drops his arms and waves one hand towards the building. “Go eat. We’ll talk about an appropriate punishment later.”

The boys nod and run off, Ayer calling, “Thank you, Levi,” over his shoulder. As if Levi would ever keep them from food.

Now that the drama is over, Milek run off too, no doubt planning to share the story with as many people as possible over lunch. With the courtyard emptying out, Levi finally sees Vanna sitting on the ground, hunched over her knees. She blinks through tears and the brown bangs that fall over her eyes, in desperate need of a cut. Levi crouches down beside the small girl and follows her forlorn gaze up to where her doll sits.

“I’ll get it down,” Levi tells her. “You go eat and I’ll get it for you.”

Vanna’s only response is a loud, snotty sniff, but she gets to her feet and shuffles towards the cafeteria. Levi watches her go, then checks around the courtyard to make sure it really is empty. It’d be no good to give the kids more ideas for mischief.

He’s in the clear. Levi puts one foot up on a jutting window sill and heaves himself onto the roof. The building barely reaches two stories, but Levi’s left ankle flares as he scales the wall and his neck and shoulders join in with their own complaints. His bad hand, of course, pitches a fucking fit and nearly makes him lose his grip on the roof’s edge when he swings his legs up and over. But still, he makes it.

It would be much easier to use maneuvering gear to get on the roof. Levi still has a set, took it among his other sparse belongings when he retired. Technically speaking, it’s illegal for a civilian to own and use gear. Realistically speaking, he’s Captain Levi-- who the fuck is going to stop him?

But it isn’t worth the trouble to get the gear out for something as small as this. Levi saves the gear for his rare days off, heading out to the forest where there is no one to grumble about property damage, noise, or criminal behavior.

It’s been awhile since he last flew, Levi muses, taking in the view from the roof as he waits for the pain in his hand to die down. He’ll have to go sometime soon.

A voice rings out from below. “Aren’t you a bit old to still be climbing up on buildings?”

Levi peers over the edge, finding Eren looking up at him. He’s still dressed in his uniform, boots dusty from travel and satchel slung over his shoulder. One hand shields his eyes from the sun as he tilts his head backwards. His face is split into that broad smile that always cracks Levi’s rib cage open and grabs his heart in a stranglehold.

Somehow, Levi manages to breathe.

“Fuck off,” Levi tells him, which only makes Eren laugh. “Besides, if I don’t go up, the kids will. And they’ll break something doing it.”

“Of course, sir,” Eren says. The corners of his eyes are crinkled, maybe from the sunlight or maybe from that damn, bright smile. It hasn’t faded in the least. “We can’t have that.”

Eren looks good-- tired and dirty, but good. Last Levi heard, the expedition had been going well. They must’ve finished up sooner than anticipated because Levi hadn’t expected Eren for at least day. Not that he is complaining. Headmistress Vreto won’t complain either; she dotes on Eren and always suggests that Levi make him come around more.

Levi starts kicking the rocks that the boys threw back into the courtyard, careful not to send any flying in Eren’s direction. “Go wait for me in my room,” he calls down to Eren. “I’ve got to reunite a girl with her doll.”

He hears Eren reply, “All right, sir.” By the next time he peers over the roof, Eren is gone.

* * *

Finding one small, quiet girl in a mass of energetic children eating and talking should be difficult. But Vanna is always easy to spot because she is almost inevitably alone. Sure enough, Levi scans the cafeteria and locates her curtain of brown hair in no time.

Vanna doesn’t look up at Levi when he sits down and places the doll in front of her. She isn’t very big on eye contact-- or talking for that matter. But she reaches out to touch the doll’s cloth face, fingers brushing against a dirt stain.

“Yeah, it got a little messy,” Levi says. “Do you want me to take it back and clean it up for you?”

Vanna curls her fingers into the doll’s bedraggled hair and hugs the toy close against her little body.

Levi amends his offer. “Do you me to help you clean her up?” Vanna nods this time. “All right. I’ll come get you when dinner is over tonight, okay? Make sure she doesn’t get dirtier between now and then.”

“Wasn’t me,” Vanna mumbles. Levi barely hears her over the lunchtime din.

“No? Who got her dirty?”

Vanna rocks back and forth in her seat, chewing on her bottom lip. Behind her long hair, her eyes dart towards a table to her right. Levi follows her gaze.

“Ravit again?” he checks, though it doesn’t surprise him. Ravit is a sweet kid, but she has a terrible temper and even worse control. Sure enough, Vanna nods, just a tiny tilt of her chin. “Do you want me to talk to her?”

Vanna chews on her lip some more and finally shakes her head.

* * *

Levi leaves Vanna with a promise to pick her up later and finds Eren in his room. Eren brewed a pot of tea while he waited and is pouring out two cups when Levi enters.

“Don’t you rank a bit high to still be making me tea, Squad Leader?” Levi asks.

Eren spares him a glance, the corner of his mouth pulling up into a grin as he finishes pouring one cup and moves on to the other. “You know you miss my tea when I’m away, sir,” he says.

He isn’t wrong. Levi doesn’t know what it is about Eren’s tea since Levi uses the same leaves and the brewing technique can’t be _that_ different. But Eren’s tea always tastes better than anyone else’s, including Levi’s. He’s yet to make Eren divulge his secret.

(Sometimes Levi suspects there is no mystery ingredient or obscure brewing method at work. Perhaps what makes Eren’s tea so good is the simple fact that Eren made it for him. But Levi never allows himself to delve too deeply on the hunch. Best to leave that unexplored territory alone.)

Levi does miss Eren’s tea when he is away. But there are other things he misses more.

Eren sets the teapot down and finally turns to look at Levi properly, face still adorned with a grin. Without a word, Eren steps into his space. He pauses, waiting to see if Levi will balk, and then his arms slowly loop around Levi.

Levi can’t help it-- his back stiffens under Eren’s touch, spine pulling him upright to his full height. Eren just spreads his fingers a little wider, pressing down on the bony knobs of Levi’s spine ever so gently. Eventually, Levi relaxes. He brings his hands up to touch Eren’s shoulder blades, lowers his head to rest his temple against Eren’s shoulder.

Eren apparently washed up a little while waiting for Levi, helping himself to Levi’s toiletries. This close, Levi sees the shiny water droplets still clinging to the tanned skin of Eren’s neck. He smells his own soap. Levi breathes in, then out.

“Missed you too,” Eren says. His voice rumbles low against Levi’s ear. Levi hears Eren’s heart beating, a steady sound like a legion marching. Or maybe what he listens to is his own heart. In. Out.

The whole thing only lasts a moment. A couple, at most. Too soon, Eren drops his arms and steps away, his mouth quirking up into an awkward smile that leaves Levi defenseless and aching.

By a silent, mutual agreement, neither say a word about what just happened.

Instead, Eren grabs his cup and saucer and sits down with a tired sigh, prompting Levi to ask, “Long trip?” even though he already knows the answer.

Eren snorts. “I swear it gets longer every time. I’m exhausted.”

“Spend the night here. We still got plenty of spare beds.” A new batch of kids arrives about once a month, but staff is a different story. With so much re-building going on within the Walls—not to mention new construction efforts outside the Walls—finding qualified workers is a battle in and of itself. It certainly doesn’t help that able-bodied adults are in short supply to begin with.

Eren makes a noise of agreement as he drinks deeply from his cup. He drains it to the bottom, then reaches for the pot. As he fills his cup again, he asks, “So what were you doing up on the roof, Captain?”

Levi explains about Ravit, Vanna’s doll, and Cheney and the other boys’ rock-throwing. “They all know better. Ravit, I can understand. She lets her anger get the better of her. But Cheney?” Levi shakes his head. “It’s not like him. He’s been acting strangely lately. I’ve tried to find out why, but he never talks to me.”

“Want me to try talking to him?” Eren suggests. “I mean—no offense, sir, but I think he likes me more than you.”

“They all like you better,” Levi grumbles. Whenever the children discover that Eren is visiting, they follow him around and climb all over him, asking him a hundred questions and showing off their toys until finally someone comes to round them all up or Eren manages a getaway.

Eren frowns. “They only like me because I’m like the shiny new toy when I show up,” he insists. “You’re the one that’s always here when they need you. Those kids adore you.”

Levi doesn’t know what to say to that, so he just grunts noncommittally and busies himself with refreshing his tea.

“Do you ever miss it?” Eren asks.

“What?”

“The Survey Corps. Going from that to this… it’s a pretty big difference.”

Many people have asked Levi this, especially when he first left. Hange, Headmistress Vreto, the random folks Levi sees in town on occasion. He never thinks about it much though.

“I miss parts of it,” he says. The flying. The purpose. The people, especially. “But I don’t regret leaving. It was time.”

Levi sips his tea this time, savoring the familiar flavors of Eren’s brewing. When he looks up from his tea, he finds Eren staring out the window at nothing in particular, both hands closed around his still full cup.

Levi takes in Eren’s creased brow and pinched mouth and asks, “What’s the matter?”

Eren jolts, the tea in his cup sloshing and narrowly avoiding spilling onto his fingers. He turns to face Levi, expression clearing with a smoothness Levi knows to be false. “Nothing’s the matter,” he says.

“...Did something happen on the expedition?”

“No, everything went fine, more or less. Nothing’s wrong, Captain, really. I just...” Eren slurps down some of his tea, too fast to taste it. “Hey, do you think you’ll have any time to get away tomorrow to come with me to the market? I need to get some things.”

It’s an obvious subject change but Levi allows it to pass without comment. “If you go in the morning, I can come. Got some errands I need to do anyway.”

Eren smiles, then swallows the rest of his tea in one gulp. “What’s for lunch?” he asks. “And how much do you think Mrs. Brower will hate me if I go into the cafeteria and get the kids all riled up?”

If he smiles at her like that, Levi thinks, there is no chance of her hating him at all.

* * *

The three boys (well, Ayer mostly) decide that a fair punishment will be to wake up early and help Levi clear the bigger rocks out of the courtyard. Eren comes with and promptly goes off with Cheney on the pretense of splitting the work into the two teams.

Levi watches the pair of them out of the corner of his eye. Cheney doesn’t speak much to Eren either, but he at least looks at him and responds to his questions. It’s further than Levi ever gets with him.

“Hey,” Levi says, “Do either of you two know if Cheney is upset about something? Is something wrong?”

Ayer says he doesn't know. Tad doesn’t answer, busy with the rock he’s prying loose from the ground. He looks a little too busy. So there is something, but Tad isn’t talking. Great. When it come to Cheney’s secrets, Tad is a steel trap.

Levi switches to a different line of questioning. “Did I do something to upset Cheney?”

This time, Tad is the one to shake his head, while Ayer hesitates. “Um,” Ayer says, then stop. He turns a rock over his hand, the stone pale against his dark brown skin. “...There might be something.”

“You can tell me,” Levi assures him. “I won’t be mad. I just want to fix it, if I can.”

Tad blinks curiously at the two of them. Ayer, never fully comfortable being the center of attention, stares down at the rock in his hand and mumbles, “It’s not really something you can fix.”

“Will you tell me anyway?”

Ayer sighs with far too much gravity for an eleven year-old but finally looks up. With his free hand, he traces a jagged line through his left eyebrow and down to his cheek. “Our dad had a scar kind of like yours,” he says. “You remind Cheney of him.”

“...I see,” Most days, he doesn’t even think about the scar. It is a memento from his last expedition, along with the messy gap where his pinky and ring finger used to be on his right hand. The missing fingers bother him more since it made some tasks more difficult and his hand hurt terribly at times, but even that isn’t such a big deal-- not when he could dead instead. “You’re right. Not much I can do to fix that.”

“I told Cheney he’s being silly-- you don’t even look anything like dad-- but...” Ayer shrugs. “He still misses him a lot.”

“I don’t think it’s silly,” Levi says. Ayer and Cheney arrived at to the orphanage a little over six months ago. Their father died only a few months before that. Less than a year. It took far more than a year for Levi to stop aching for his mother every moment of the day. Fuck, it took nearly as long to stop stinging from Kenny’s abandonment. “You still miss him too, yeah?”

Ayer nods, eyes on the ground again. Out of Tad’s line of sight, he slips his hand into Levi’s scarred one. Carefully, Levi squeezes his little hand.

“I didn’t have a dad out there,” Tad pipes up. He makes this somber announcement with the casual air only a child can manage. “Or a mom. Being here is a lot better.”

Levi glances towards the orphanage. The other children are just beginning to wake up. Levi sees them moving in front of the windows, hears a loud laugh that sounds like Milek’s. Breakfast will be served soon, then classes will start. They are nearing fifty children, will need to expand into yet another building soon. Headmistress Vreto, Levi, and Historia are already in talks about it, trying to determine a compromise between the kind of facilities they need immediately and what they will likely need in the future. What they have now is far from perfect, but it’s pretty fucking good.

“Being here would’ve been better for me too.”

* * *

The sun climbs higher into the sky. Levi releases the boys to wash up for breakfast, get his things together, and heads into town with Eren. Levi needs to pick up some supplies for the orphanage, some clothing that was ordered for the latest batch of new kids, and some tea for himself. Eren wants to put in an order for new shoes, since his one pair of non-military-issue boots are showing their age.

As they walk into town, Levi tries to pry information about Cheney out of Eren, but he is tight-lipped. “There is something upsetting him,” Eren concedes. “But it’s his own private business. Nothing dangerous or anything. I think it’ll get sorted out soon.”

“It’s something to do with Tad, isn’t it? He was acting weird. Did they fight?” Even as Levi asks, it seems very unlikely. Tad is incessantly loyal to Cheney and generally happy to do whatever the other boy wants. Cheney is far more likely to fight with his older brother, despite Ayer being a bit of a pushover.

“Not a fight, no,” Eren says. “Anyway, I talked to him about staying out of trouble and he said he’d try. And I told him that if he wanted to talk to someone, you’d help.”

“He’s not gonna talk to me.”

Eren grins down at him, a distinct sparkle in his eyes. “You’d be surprised, Captain. He told me you were his favorite grown-up.”

“What.” It isn’t even a question. “No. He was just trying to butter you up.”

Eren chuckles and shakes  his head. “I believe him. I can see it.”

Levi can’t see it at all. But if Eren can… well, Levi is willing to take his word for it.

* * *

There’s little downtime between the end of one expedition and preparations for the next, so Levi is unsurprised by the large number of off-duty soldiers milling around the market. Levi has been out for over three years now, so he doesn’t recognize many of the younger soldiers who call out greetings to him and Eren. He exchanges a few quick words with those he does know and when Hange spots him, they charge at him and press him into a tight hug that lifts his feet right off the ground.

“Let me go,” Levi hisses, slapping at their shoulder.

Hange laughs and drops him. “Glad I caught you out and about! I’m planning on coming to see you in a day or two or three. Maybe. Assuming Eren isn’t planning to occupy you the entire time.”

“Come whenever you want. Try to stay out of Vreto’s sight though. She’s still pissed at you.” The last time Hange visited, they demonstrated some sort of experiment for the children, which resulted in a rather foul smell that lingered in the cafeteria for days. Headmistress Vreto has a long memory and even less patience for mess than Levi.

Someone calls Eren’s name. Levi scans the crowd and spots Jean and Sergeant Maureen Weber. Maureen must be the one who called because Levi would recognize Jean’s voice. Levi only has the faintest memories of her from his Survey Corps days and only occasionally hears her name come up in Eren’s tales.

Maureen waves at Eren, beckoning him. Jean stands with his arms crossed over his chest. It’s hard to tell from the distance, but Jean’s mouth appears to be pressed into a frown.

“I better go see what she wants,” Eren says. He sounds wary, but resigned. He touches Levi’s elbow with just the tips of his fingers. “I’ll meet you at the tailor’s, sir.”

“All right.”

Hange is uncharacteristically quiet as Eren departs, but once he is out of earshot, they pounce. “Really?” they say, eyebrows arched high. “Sir?”

“What?” Levi asks.

“It’s a bit of an overkill, isn’t it? Not that you guys are fooling anyone.”

Levi scowls. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“Seriously?” Hange laughs, voice saturated with good-humored skepticism. But when Levi only continues to frown at them, Hange’s chuckles peter out. They still, blinking at Levi behind the thick frames of their glasses. “...Seriously? You have no idea what I’m talking about?”

“That’s what I just said.”

“Levi!” Hange exclaims, almost scandalized. They throw their arm back over his shoulders, pulling him against their body, and lowers their voice. “Levi. Everyone knows. Hell, we’ve known for years.”

Levi isn’t sure which part of this confuses him more. Everyone as in who? Knows what? Years? So he just asks once more, “ _What?_ ”

“Okay, maybe not everyone, but basically everyone,” Hange rambles. “Everyone who matters anyways. Not that other people don’t matter, but you know what I mean. Everyone that--”

“Hange,” Levi cuts in. “I have no fucking idea what you’re talking about.”

Hange huffs, slumping over so that they practically hang off of Levi despite their height difference. Then, with a careful emphasis on each word, they say, “Everyone knows you and Eren are together.”

For a moment, Levi is sure he heard wrong. Or maybe Hange is messing with him. But Hange just keeps staring at him expectantly finally Levi says, “The fuck are you talking about?”

Slowly, Hange pushes their glasses up the bridge of their nose. Even more slowly, Hange says, “You and Eren aren’t together?” It comes out like a question, hesitant, and firmly dubious all at once.

“No!”

“But-- but-- you and him always used to go off to together! Constantly! And now, the first thing Eren does when we get back is visit you! He sleeps there sometimes!”

“We’re close,” Levi concedes. He flushes as he says it. He’s too old for this fuckery. He soldiers onward anyway. “But we’re not-- we’re not together.”

Hange gapes at him, eyes wide as though that will help them absorb this apparently earth-shattering information. “I can’t believe this. You--” They stop, mouth snapping shut.

“What about me?” Levi presses.

Hange sighs. The fingers they have wrapped around Levi’s arm squeezed him tight. “Levi,” Hange says. It’s their _I’m your oldest friend so you better listen to me_ voice. “There’s only one other person I’ve seen you look at the same way you look at Eren. And that was Erwin. So don’t try to tell me I’m being completely delusional here.”

Somehow, Levi’s skin flushes brighter. He looks down at the ground. He doesn’t say anything.

Hange is quiet for a while too. When they finally speak, their words are muted with sympathy. “And he really still calls you ‘sir,’ huh?”

“Never told him not to.”

“Well,” Hange says with a bracing slap to his back. “Maybe that’d be a good place to start.”

Levi draws away from them. “I’m not gonna-- no. That’d be completely fucking inappropriate.”

“How?” Hange asks, aghast. “I mean, I know you’ve got some sort of complex about this stuff, but really, how?”

“I was his superior--”

“-- _Was_! And plenty of soldiers are in relationships with their superiors anyway! Not a big deal!”

Levi glares at them and continues. “I’m older than him. A lot older.”

“Walls, protect me,” Hange mutters. Louder, they say, “Eren’s been through hell and back at least a dozen times over, you really think your age makes a difference at this point?”

“None of it makes a difference,” Levi snaps with frustration. “Eren doesn’t-- he just _doesn’t_.”

With Eren, the people he cares about come first, reclaiming the outside world comes second, and everything else is a distant third. Very, very distant. In all the years that Levi has known Eren, he’s never heard anything more than insubstantial rumors that Eren is involved with someone. Eren himself never mentions anyone in that way.

Eren is just different from most people. Not that Levi, for whom relationships are very few (one) and very far between (closer to a decade now than not), has any room to talk.

What he said was barely coherent, but Hange understands anyway. They nod thoughtfully, chewing on their bottom lip as they stare off in the direction Eren went. “...I don’t know if I’d say he _doesn’t_ ,” they say. “Maybe just that he hasn’t yet? Kind of like you. Because… well, your moon eyes weren’t the only reason I thought the two of you were together. He’s got some stuff going on his end too. I think.”

“Like what?” Levi demands.

Hange puts both hands up in the air. “As much as I’d love to meddle more, I won’t. I learned my lesson after the Cassidy-Bachman incident. And the Reno-Haymaker-Khadra incident. And the-- you get the idea. Besides, I really think you should talk to him about it.”

“There’s no point,” Levi mutters.

Hange raises an eyebrow, mouth pulling in a thin, uneven frown. “Really? Because at the very least, I think you should tell him to call you by your name. I mean, c’mon? _Really?_ Even those kids at the orphanage call you Levi.”

Levi has never thought about it much, perhaps because Eren has always called him either Captain or sir.  He wonders if Eren ever feels slighted by not being allowed his name, but immediately dismisses the possibility. Eren would’ve bring it up. He isn’t the type to fume over something silently.

But still… Hange has a point.

* * *

Levi finds not just Eren at the tailor’s, but Jean and Maureen as well. Eren and Maureen are clearly still in the thick of whatever they are talking about, voices hushed but body language screaming tension. Jean leans against the wall of the building and watches his fellow soldiers warily from a safe distance. He nods at Levi when he approaches.

“Hey, Captain Levi,” Jean says. He spares Levi a brief glance before focusing back on the quarreling pair again. “I tried to tell her to just drop it, but she never listens to me. Too stubborn. And not nearly perceptive enough, apparently.”

“What’s going on?” Levi asks, watching as well. Maureen doesn’t seem especially angry; in fact, she looks more cajoling than anything. Eren, however, is mad-- or getting there, at least. Levi reads the mounting frustration in his sharp shoulders and firm fists with ease.

Jean snorts. “I’m sure you’ll hear about it from Eren later. But I’d like to establish right now that I’ve told Maureen a dozen times that it wasn’t gonna happen. Hell, I all but spelled it out for her.”

“Spelled out--”

“--told you, don’t touch me!” Eren snaps, yanking his arm out of Maureen’s grasp. Her fingers tear away from his wrist. “And back off! Just-- fuck, just leave me alone!”

Maureen’s eyes are wide. She isn’t the only one. Eren’s voice was loud enough to carry throughout the bustling road. Several people stop to stare, pressing close to take in the scene.

Jean sighs and pushes off the building to get to Maureen, urging her away from the crowd with “All right, you said your piece and he said no. Again. Now let’s get out of here before you really embarrass yourself.”

Maureen resists Jean’s efforts, staying planted in place. “Eren,” she starts, reaching out towards him. But Eren turns away, shouldering through the crowd. His eyes flicker to Levi’s briefly before darting off again, the only part of his face that isn’t made of stone. He storms into the tailor’s shop, door slamming behind him.

Finally, Maureen allows herself to be moved. Jean shoots Levi an apologetic look as they leave. The people in the crowd turn to look at him too. Levi doesn’t indulge them. He goes inside.

Eren sits in one of the chairs at the front of the store, head lowered and fists hard against his knees. The tailor, Mr. Mazmanyan hovers over him, tentatively asking how he can help him. “Leave him be,” Levi says. Eren always takes a while to regroup himself after losing his temper like that. “He’s with me.”

Mr. Mazmanyan recognizes him right away, a look of gratitude sweeping over his face before he hurries away to gather up Levi’s order. Levi waits by Eren, watching from the corner of his eye as Eren breathes deeply through his nose. He lays one hand on Eren’s shoulder, squeezes. Eren exhales slowly.

By the time Mr. Mazmanyan returns with several wrapped bundles of clothing, Eren’s fists have come undone, his hands instead resting lightly on his legs, palms up. Levi pays Mr. Mazmanyan, thanks him, and then waits until the tailor retreats to the back of the shop before asking Eren, “You all right to go? Everyone outside is gone.”

Eren nods. “Yeah,” he says, grimacing when his voice came out gravelly. He rubs his throat, then rises. “Let’s go back.”

“You sure?” The tailor was Levi’s last errand, but Eren still hasn’t gone to the shoemaker.

Eren takes the pile of clothes bundles out of Levi’s arms, leaving him with just two small bags. “Yeah. I want to go ho-- let’s just go, sir.”

* * *

They’re both silent the whole way back to the orphanage. It’s just before lunch time when they arrive, so the children are playing outside. Even though they all saw him yesterday, the children still run up to Eren with big smiles on their faces and little hands outstretched.

Levi nearly tells them that they’re busy and to leave them alone. But when he looks at Eren, he is grinning, the last of the tension finally leaving his body. Instead, Levi grabs the bundles Eren is carrying and leaves to put everything away before the children catch him in their friendly clutches too.

Once everything is in its place, he busies himself with the desk he abandoned unfixed yesterday. Keeping his hands occupied is no problem, but his mind is another thing entirely.

_Everyone knows._

Does that include Jean? What Jean said to him make more sense when Levi frames it in the context of Hange’s claim. _I’ve told Maureen a dozen times that it wasn’t gonna happen. Hell, I all but spelled it out for her._

Apparently Maureen is not included in everyone.

 _Everyone knows._ He doesn't think anyone would ever call him expressive. But if everyone knows, they must’ve saw something in his expression or his words or his behavior. They must’ve--

Does Eren know?

Levi shuts the thought down as soon as it comes up, unwilling to dwell on it. He clenches his fingers around the wooden desk leg in his hands, the tight grip shooting pain through his right hand. _Stop this_.

He focuses his mind on the task in front of him: the desk that wouldn’t stop wobbling. He needs to replace the leg, see if the joint just needed to be tightened. He gets to work, so forcefully absorbed in his task that he doesn’t notice Eren’s entrance until he clears his throat.

“Hey,” Eren says. His arms wrap loosely around his torso, like he doesn’t know what else to do with them. “Sorry about earlier, Captain.”

“It’s fine.” There isn’t anything he needed to apologize to Levi for. “Are you all right?”

“Yeah.”

Levi hesitates. Fuck, he’s terrible at this stuff. “...Do you want to talk about it?”

Eren shakes his head, but he crosses to room to sit on the floor next to Levi anyway. “How much of that did you… how much did you figure out?”

“Maureen is interested in you.”

“That’s one way to put it,” Eren frowns down at his knees. “Maureen… she’s nice. Usually. Works hard, positive attitude, gets along with everyone. But she can be… pushy.”

“Pushy,” Levi repeats.

“I’ve known for a while that she wants to… wants me. But I don’t.” He raises his head to look Levi firmly in the eye, as if Levi might contradict him. When Levi doesn’t say anything, he continues, haltingly. “Didn’t want to tell her no outright at first because she can be kind of sensitive. Maybe I led her on-- I don’t know. Wasn’t trying to.

Lately, she’s started to get more insistent. Then, a couple of nights ago, she--” Eren stops, running a hand through his hair. “We were nearly back in the Walls, so people were pretty relaxed. Some drinking when we camped for the night, you know? And she-- it really wasn’t that big of a deal. I just overreacted, that’s not--”

“What happened?” Levi interrupts.

Eren huffs, slouching backwards so that his skull knocks against the wall. “Maureen came and found me. She was pretty drunk, so I tried to get her to go to her tent to sleep it off. I guess she thought-- but anyway. She, uh, kind of jumped me. I wasn’t expecting it and suddenly she was kissing me, her tongue in my mouth.”

Eren makes a face, something between a scowl and regret. “And I just-- I _panicked_. Shoved her. She fell over and I ran off.” He pauses, swallowing. “Like I said, it wasn’t really that big of a deal; I just reacted badly. She was drunk, and anyway, she couldn’t have known that I… I don’t do well with that kind of stuff.”

“Whether she knew or not, drunk or not, that was a shitty thing for her to do,” Levi says. Eren won't look at him, so Levi nudges his knee. “Hey, she didn’t have any right to do that, you know? That was shitty of her.”

“I know,” Eren insists. “I just--” He breaks off, flexing his fingers in and out of fists. “I just kind of feel bad about the whole thing because-- it’s not really her fault.” When Levi opens his mouth the protest, Eren rushes to add, “I mean, I’m not threatened by her at all. Maureen’s tough, but she’s nothing like me. And I’m not scared of kissing. She just… she accidentally reminded me of some bad times.”

Levi still thinks Maureen is completely at fault. Maybe Levi doesn't have any right to pass judgement considering all the terrible things he's done. He's still pissed though. 

Eren doesn't seem likely to budge on the issue at the moment, so Levi shelves the matter. Instead, he addresses what he finds far more alarming. “What do you mean bad times?”

Eren becomes still, silent. He doesn't so much as twitch for so long that Levi nearly takes his question back. But eventually, Eren turns towards Levi so that their shoulders brush. “You can’t tell Mikasa or Armin,” he began. His voice was firm and unyielding. “Or anyone else, but especially not them. I never told them and I don’t want them to know about it now either.”

Levi nods. If he's about to hear what he suspects Eren is going to tell him-- and, fuck, he hopes he's wrong-- then he understands Eren's need for secrecy completely. He doesn't just sympathize; he empathizes.

 

Eren sucks in a shaky breath that rattles in his throat. “When Wall Maria fell… me and Mikasa and Armin, we were all too young to enlist in training. Had to wait a couple years. And after Armin’s grandfather-- well, we were pretty much on our own. They’d send us-- all the refugees-- out to the wastelands to work in exchange for our rations. It was hard labor and the rations-- just barely better than nothing. Armin kept getting sick and all of us were in really bad shape. And then winter came and I-- I realized that if something didn’t change, we-- we weren’t going to make it.”

The story is all too familiar to Levi. Losing Maria, where over half of their fertile land lay, created shortages for everyone except the richest and most corrupt. The army as a whole saw its biggest enrollment numbers ever those first few years because people were desperate enough to do anything for the promise of two meals a day. He doesn’t interrupt Eren though. He’s not sure Eren will be able to start again if he stops him.

Eren looks anywhere but at Levi as he speaks. “My father had treated these patients and-- I knew. I knew if you could find the right people, let them do what they wanted, that-- there were ways of making money. Even if you were a little kid. _Especially_ if you were a little kid.

And it had to be me. Armin-- back then, he was so-- it would’ve broken him. And Mikasa, she’d already been through enough. So I. I didn’t tell them. Mikasa, I think she figured I was stealing or something. She was just so glad that we had the money for food and stuff again that she didn’t think about it much. But Armin-- I got the feeling he had an idea, but he was afraid to ask.

It was just a couple of years. I didn’t even do it that often, too dangerous. Just enough for us to get by. And it was-- every time, I just focused on training. I knew I just had to make it till we were old enough to enroll, and then I could put it all behind me. But… I guess just forgetting everything is impossible. That kind of thing… it stays with you. So when Maureen kissed me so suddenly, when she just _took_ it from me, she made me feel… dirty.”

“ _You’re not_ .” Much as Levi tries to keep the venom of his voice, it still creeps in. He’s not even sure who he is pissed at-- Maureen, the people who used Eren, _Bertolt and Reiner_ \-- but he is furious. “Eren-- what happened to you was fucking shitty, but there’s no shame in it. There’s no shame in doing what you need to survive. Especially when you’re trying to care for others too. My mother--”

The words stick in Levi’s throat. He grits his teeth, then curled his bad hand into a tight fist until it trembles and a bolt of pain shoots up his arm. When did he last say those words aloud? _My mother._ Erwin, it had be Erwin--

“...Sir?” Eren shifts, reaching out to lay his hand over Levi’s fist. His fingers slip unselfconsciously into the gap where Levi’s pinky and ring finger are missing, the wide span of his palm easily closing over Levi’s smaller hand.

Levi lets loose the breath he has clenched in his lungs, lets his three fingers unwind so that Eren can fit the last of his in between. “My mother,” he starts again, “took care of me the best she could. She didn’t have a lot of options and the options she did have-- taking money from men was the least shitty choice.”

“The choice she’d least regret?” Eren asks.

Levi chuckles despite himself. It’s a dark sound, but a weight lift from his shoulders anyway. “Perhaps.” He meets Eren’s eyes, frowning. “I was never ashamed of her. She was keeping both of us alive. And I’ve also done-- ...You shouldn’t feel ashamed either.”

Eren sighs. “Easier said than done, Captain.”

“Levi.”

Eren blinks at him. “What?”

“Should’ve told you earlier, you’re long overdue,” Levi says. Hange was right about that much. He tries to sound casual, like it isn’t a big deal to finally ask someone who has known you for a decade to use your name. Levi hasn’t even been a Captain for three years, Eren’s sitting here holding his hand for fuck’s sake, and Levi is just now getting around this. “Just call me Levi.”

Eren’s lips lifted into a smile, the kind that always strikes Levi like a punch to the guts. “That’s also easier said than done… Levi.”

Levi doesn’t know if it is the smile or the “Levi,” but something turns his heart into bird. It batters its wings against his ribcage, persistent and lost all the same. He looks away. “I have every faith in you.”

Eren clenches his hand gently, then lets go. He rises  to his feet just as the bell begins to clang for lunch. “The kids made me promise to eat lunch with them,” he says. “You ready to eat?”

Levi stands too, brushing off his slacks. “Might as well.” As Eren turns to leave, Levi stops him with a touch to his arm. “Hey. Was that what’s been bothering you?” he asks, gesturing towards the space they’d just sat-- spoke-- in. “Maureen and everything else?”

Eren hesitates. It is barely a moment, but it tells Levi everything. “Yeah, that’s all,” he says, the words trailed by a slash of a grin. It doesn’t reach his eyes. “Thanks for listening.”

“Eren,” Levi says.

It’s enough for Eren. He waves one hand dismissively. “I’ll tell you when I can, Cap-- Levi. It’s-- just don’t worry, okay?”

Easier said than done, Levi thinks, but he followed Eren to the cafeteria without protest.

* * *

“Okay,” Eren says, lifting the pen into the air with an exaggerated flourish. “Colors and numbers done. What’s next?”

Ravit swings her legs beneath the seat and proclaims, “The fortunes!”

“Fortunes, huh?” Eren casts a glance in Levi’s direction, a playful gleam lighting his eyes. “What should I write?”

“I have to write them or else they won’t be secret” Ravit insists. She tugs the folded paper out from under Eren’s hand, then grabs the pen. Hunched over so that neither Eren nor Levi can peek, she begins to laboriously write tiny letters in the cramped spaces available.

Technically speaking, Ravit is supposed to be serving a time-out with Levi (and, by extension, Eren since he spent the night again). She threw a temper tantrum in class that morning, upending her desk and shattering a small jar of black ink on the floor. By the time Mrs. Guigan frog-marched Ravit to where Levi was cleaning, Ravit swung from inexplicably furious to understandably upset.

Levi let Eren console her since he was good at that. Ravit is a slip of girl, perching easily on Eren’s leg as he braided her thick, dark hair and spoke to her in a voice so hushed that Levi could only catch a little of what he said.  

When Ravit was no longer in danger of bursting into tears and her hair fell down her back in a long, neat braid, Levi had her help him finish cleaning. That only took about half an hour. Since the other kids were by then outside enjoying their recess before lunch, Levi didn’t have the heart to punish her any more. Still, Mrs. Guigan would be pissed if Levi just let her off the hook entirely, so he decided that an indoor recess with boring adults would be a perfect compromise.  

With the limited options for entertainment available to them, Ravit took it upon herself to teach Eren and Levi how to make a paper fortune teller. Levi had never heard of such a thing and Eren looked equally mystified. But when Ravit began folding up a piece of paper into a strange, four-pronged shape, Eren apparently recognized what she was talking about and launched into the task with gusto.

Since Ravit is now taking back the reins, Eren focuses his gaze on the window overlooking the courtyard. Levi watches as Eren’s eyes absently tracked the movements of the children outside. His distraction allows Levi the opportunity to take in the planes of Eren’s face, to follow the lines just beginning to form at the corners of Eren’s eyes, and commit the color of his skin, hair, lips to memory.

Maybe it is creepy. But it’s a practice born out of necessity rather than compulsion or desire. Each expedition beyond the walls is longer than the next, so Levi often went weeks-- even months-- without laying eyes on Eren. And while the Titans are not nearly the threat they once were, every trip outside into the unknown is still dangerous.

If Levi possessed Mobilt’s skills, he would draw a picture. Fuck, if Mobilt was still around, he’d ask him to draw a picture. Levi knows how unreliable memories can be. He’s lost more than enough people to time.

Usually, Levi can only work in some furtive glances during Eren’s visits, maybe a solid night-time gazing session if Eren accidentally nodded off before going to bed. Today, however, Eren’s mind keeps wandering, leaving him wide open for Levi’s gaze.

Levi appreciates the opportunity, but it worries him nonetheless. Is Eren still feeling shitty over the whole Maureen mess? Did something else happen on the expedition? Is he worried about something to do with the next expedition? Eren claims he’ll tell Levi about it eventually, the clock is ticking. There’s only one more full day left before the Survey Corps departs to begin preparations and Eren will have to get back to his duties soon.

“Hello? Eren? Captain Levi?”

Levi looks away studiously before Eren turns around and catches him. Eren’s head swivels towards the familiar voice coming from the hall. “In here!” he calls back.

Armin’s blond head peeked around the open door frame, Mikasa’s appearing right above his. “There you guys are,” Armin said. He enters and stops short at the sight of Ravit scribbling away undisturbed. “Oh, and… um.” Armin plasters an awkward smile on his face. “Hi, what’s your name?”

Ravit ignores him, hard at work on her fortunes. Armin looks to Eren for help, but Eren just shrugs. No one can make Ravit do something she doesn’t want to. Not unless they lit her short fuse first.

“Have you been here this whole time?” Mikasa asks. “Hange said they saw you yesterday at the market, but other than that it’s like no one’s seen you.”

Eren scoffs. “Guess you haven’t spoken to Jean then.”

“Jean?” Armin asks.

“Me and Maureen kind of… fought,” Eren admits, one shoulder lifting in an unapologetic shrug. “Jean was there.”

Levi catches the way Armin’s eyes widen ever so slightly. Before Armin presses further though, Mikasa fires off her own question.

“Is that why you’ve been hiding out here?”

Now Eren’s shoulders hunch up, like a cat raising its hackles. “I’m not _hiding_.”

Mikasa lifts one thin eyebrow. Armin looks equally unconvinced. “Eren,” Mikasa says slowly.. “You spend a lot of time out here with the Captain--”

“--Not that we mind!” Armin hastens to add with a nervous sideways glance at Levi. “We’re happy for you.”

“Yeah, it’s fine,” Mikasa agrees. Eren narrows his eyes and starts to say something, but she cuts him off. “You usually don’t spend this much time here though. Something’s up. So what is it?”

Eren’s frown turns into a downright scowl. “I’ve told you, nothing.”

“Come on, Eren, you’ve been acting weird for weeks,” Armin says, patting Eren on the back in an attempt to be placating. Eren just bristles under Armin’s hand, so he turns to Levi. “Right, Captain? Hasn’t he been acting weird? You’ve noticed, haven’t you?”

“Don’t drag me into this,” Levi says, though the answer is yes. Eren’s caginess and wandering mind aside, it’s true that he’s spent more time at the orphanage than ever before. Usually, his visits last only a few hours. On occasion, he ends up sleeping in one of the spare rooms if his stay runs late. Never before has he slept at the orphanage two nights in a row.

“Don’t bullshit us with your ‘nothing’s wrong,’” Mikasa says, folding her arms over her chest. “Hange told us you asked them about--”

But Eren has had enough. “Can you just drop it?” he snaps.

His booming voice makes Ravit jump in her seat. She hunches over her paper, the curve of her back more timid now than determined as she tries to sink out of sight. Levi glares at Eren and  his face flood with shame. Eren sighs, reaches out as though to smooth Ravit’s dark hair, then thinks better of it. He stands up.

“Let’s talk about this somewhere else.”

Mikasa and Armin nod wordlessly and leave with him. Armin shoots Levi an apologetic grimace as the door closes behind them.

Ravit still sits rigid in her seat. Levi tucks her braid over her shoulder and rubs her back, little circles up and down. He doesn’t know her story, but most of the kids make themselves small and quiet when angry adults are around. Eren knows this too. He knows better.

Eventually, Ravit straightens up a bit. She wraps the end of her braid around her fingers and mutters, “He says I shouldn’t lose my temper, but he does it too.”

“Yeah,” Levi agrees. “So do I, sometimes. We all need to work on it.”

“You never yell,” Ravit says.

“You’ve never seen me yell,” Levi corrects. He did enough yelling and intimidating as a soldier. It’s true that he doesn’t raise his voice at the orphanage though. After everything he’s seen, he doubts any of the kids could do anything that actually angered him. Frustrate him, disappoint him, sure. But none of it is worth his anger.

Ravit fiddles with her braid, absorbing this. After a moment, Levi points at the fortune paper and says, “That’s not how you write ‘despair.’”

“Hey! You can’t peek!” Ravit snatches up the paper so that it’s out of Levi’s sight again. She turns away before seizing the pen again and scribbling the word out. With great effort, she rewrites it-- correctly, this time-- in the miniscule space still available. Still focused on her work, she asks, “Who’s Hange?”

It was such a non-sequitur that Levi has to replay the last few moments to figure out why she is asking. If there is one thing Levi has learned from working at the orphanage, it is that children always paid much more attention than you expect them to. “...You’ve met them. They’re the one who made that nasty stink in the cafeteria last winter.”

“But what are they?”

“They’re the Commander, so they’re in charge of the Survey Corps.”

“ _Noooo_ ,” Ravit says, frustrated. She scowls as if Levi is purposefully playing dumb. “Are they a boy or a girl?”

“Neither?”

Ravit glares at him. “People can’t be neither.”

“Apparently people can because Hange is.” Levi tries to think back to how exactly Hange explained it, but it was far too many years ago. He gives up. “I don’t get it, but that’s what Hange says. And if they say so, then I suppose it must be true. Hange would know better than anyone else.”

Ravit still frowns at him, but it is more confusion now than anything else. “How do you get to be neither?”

Levi feels vastly unqualified for this discussion. “You just are, I guess.”

“Oh.” Ravit glances down at the table for a moment, fingers tracing the edges of the folded paper. She looks back up at him. “It’s all right to do that?”

“It’s fine,” Levi says, firm.  He’s sure of this point. “Just because you’ve never heard of something doesn’t mean it’s wrong. Hange could explain it better than me though.”

“Is Hange coming again?”

“Maybe.” They mentioned it before, but there isn’t much time left now before the Survey Corps heads out again. Levi considers Ravit carefully. “Do you want Hange to come?”

Ravit shrugs and fit her fingers into the fortune teller’s holes before holding it out to Levi. “Pick a color,” she says.

Well, apparently that conversation is over. Levi considers his choices. “Green.”

Ravit spells the word aloud, flapping the fortune teller with each character. She holds it out to him again, open so that he sees the inside.. “Now pick a number.”

“Five.”

Ravit counts as she folds and re-folds the paper. Finally, she extends it again. “One more number.”

Levi wonders exactly what kind of fortune he’s going to wind up with considering that the one he saw read, _Tomorrow you meet despair._ He picks carefully. “Two.”

Ravit lifts the two section so that the rest of the paper doesn’t unfold. She glances up at him and smirks, a mischievous glint in her brown eyes. Then Ravit reads with all the solemnity of a priest, “Time to take a chance.”

* * *

It storms that night.

Levi wakes when a streak of lightning crackles too close to the building for comfort, cursing loudly at the sudden bright flash. It sends his heart into a frenzy, battle ready and pounding relentlessly long after he figures out what woke him. Trying to go back to sleep is no use at that point, so Levi lights a lamp, puts on his shoes, and shuffles towards the cafeteria to scrub down the tables.

The children usually wash the tables after dinner each day, but their work is perfunctory at best. Levi does it himself at least once a week, if not twice or three times. He hasn’t scrubbed them yet this week though due to Eren’s stay, but Eren finally left with Mikasa and Armin that afternoon.

Levi doesn’t expect him to come back. Tomorrow-- well, today, actually-- the Survey Corps will head out of town in the evening. Considering that Eren has dozens of tasks he’s been neglecting in favor of hanging around the orphanage constantly, he’ll need the day to catch up.

Eren certainly seemed to think he wouldn’t be seeing Levi again. He hovered in the doorway, casting a couple of anxious glances back at where his friends waited before finally fixing his eyes on Levi. Somehow, despite how slowly Eren reached and despite how often these things occurred nowadays, Levi did not realize the hug was happening until Eren folded him into arms.

Eren is too tall for Levi to see over his shoulder without going up on his toes, but he felt Mikasa and Armin watching. He ignored them, not caring what they thought or suspected or felt. Eren still smelled like his soap and he sighed softly against Levi’s ear when Levi placed his hands over the small of Eren back. Those were the things that mattered.

“Be careful,” Eren said when he let Levi go.

Levi jabbed him with one finger, right below his ribs where Eren is most ticklish. “Are you really telling me that?”

When Eren laughs, it is always like that first ride beyond the walls. The never-ending skyline his eyes couldn’t comprehend, the clear air sweet in his mouth, the terror of the unknown prickling along his every nerve-- all coiled together tight in Levi’s gut.

Eren will be back. Levi believes it. Fuck knows Eren always has better chances than most, now more than ever. But the waiting never gets easy.

All Levi expected to find in the cafeteria was some slightly dirty tables and perhaps a few very foolish bugs. Instead, he spots a small figure silhouetted by dim candlelight, sitting alone in the farthest corner. Cheney doesn’t look up when Levi stops in front of his table. He sets his lamp down next to Cheney’s candle, held upright by the pool of melted wax at its base. When Levi’s fingers graze against the wax sitting on the wood’s surface, Cheney mutters, “I’ll clean it up.”

“Did the storm wake you?” There’s no point asking what Cheney is doing out of bed long past curfew since the answer is clearly sitting quietly. It doesn’t bode well with Levi through. Cheney isn’t the type to sit quietly.

Cheney shakes his head.

Levi sits down across from him and tries to get a look at his face. Between the poor lighting, Cheney’s dark skin, and his reluctance to so much as glance in Levi’s direction, it’s near impossible.

“Woke me up,” Levi says. “And now I think some tea sounds good. You want some?”

He has to wait so long that he nearly leaves without a response, but eventually Cheney nods.

Levi leaves him alone and brews the most kid-friendly herbal tea in the kitchen’s cupboards. He loads Cheney’s up with honey and is rewarded for his efforts when Cheney takes his first sip and actually smiles a little.

They sit quietly for a while, drinking their tea and listening to the rain rattle against the roof and windows. Levi is nearing the bottom of his cup when Cheney speaks, his voice barely audible over the downfall outside. “I had a nightmare about Tad.”

“Tad?” Levi asks. “Did he get hurt?”

“No, he--” Cheney shifts in his seat, leaning forward to pick at the wax on the table with his fingernail. “He was mad. Said he wouldn’t be my friend anymore.”

“That does sound scary,” Levi says. Cheney just shrugs, still chipping away at the wax. “...Did you two fight?”

“No.”

“Something else happened?”

Cheney peels a long strip of wax off the table and begin rubbing it between his fingers. He mumbles and this time Levi can’t hear him at all. When he asks Cheney to say it again, the boy finally raises his head. “Tad said he liked me. Like-like.”

Huh. That isn’t what Levi expected at all, but it doesn’t surprise him. Tad attached himself to Cheney (and Ayer, by default) as soon as he arrived at the orphanage. Since then, he is rarely seen out of Cheney’s presence and seems more than content to follow Cheney wherever he goes.

“What did you think about that?” Levi asks. Cheney just makes a noncommittal noise, so he prompts him with, “Did it make you mad?”

That gets Cheney to look him right in the eye. Cheney’s eyes are big and brown, a shade darker than his brother’s and with far more fire behind them.“No. Me and Tad are friends.”

“You didn’t like him saying that though?”

“No, I--” Cheney stops, gaze flickering back down to the wax slowly melting in his warm fingers. “It scared me. I don’t like Tad like that. But I don’t want to tell him and hurt his feelings. So...”

“You haven’t said anything to him about it?”

Cheney nods.

Levi sighs and drinks the rest of his tea. He wonders how long all this has been brewing, how long it’s been since Cheney swept it under rug and hoped it would go away. “That was pretty brave of Tad, to tell you how he feels.”

“Yeah,” Cheney agrees, rolling the wax into a ball between his palms.

“Don’t you think you ought to return the favor and be honest with him too?”

Cheney’s hands still. “...Yeah.”

Levi isn’t sure when he became a source of advice for relationships considering he barely navigates his own without drawing blood. Perhaps it’s just that relationships always seem much simpler when you are on the outside looking in, the right moves plain to see.

Still, he stings with self-consciousness as he speaks, the hypocrisy making his stomach churn.. “Why don’t you just tell him then? You two are friends. I don’t think that will stop just because of this.”

“I guess,” Cheney says. “But it’s scary.”

Levi can’t argue with that. All his excuses aside-- the age difference, Eren’s apparent indifference, both of their pasts-- isn’t that what it really came down to?

He’s scared. He’s always been scared.

He waits until Cheney finishes his tea, then picks up his lamp and blows out Cheney’s candle. “C’mon,” he says. “Let’s get you back in bed.”

The first stop is to the wash basin so Cheney can scrub the wax from his fingers and palms. Then Levi walks with him down to the dormitory area. The door to the room that Cheney shares with three other boys creaks when Levi pushes it open, so he makes a mental note to oil it later.

Cheney climbs up to his top bunk quietly, but Tad still wakes up across the room. “Where’d you go?” he asks muzzily, then blinks at the sight of Levi at the door. “Levi?”

Ayer begins to stir in the bunk beneath Cheney. Levi puts a finger over his lips to silence Tad. The boy obediently lays his head back on his pillow.

As Levi carefully shuts the door, he hears Cheney whisper across the dark, “I got to tell you something.”

“Okay,” Tad yawns. “In the morning?”

Levi leaves before he hears anymore.

* * *

Sleep is out of the question.

Levi goes back to the cafeteria and clears Cheney’s wax off the table before scrubbing down the entire room. When all the tables are glistening, he moves on to classroom where Ravit spilled ink onto the floor. Ink is nearly impossible to get off, but he spends a solid hour on his hands and knees working at it.

By the time the sun peeks light and pink through the windows, the ink stain is only slightly lighter, Levi’s entire body aches, and his mind is made up.

He washes, changes his clothes, and sets off for the town with the rising sun at his back.

The plan is simple. More accurately, he doesn’t have a plan beyond finding Eren and spilling his guts. If he thinks about it too much, tries to figure out to approach Eren and what to say, he’ll only think of a dozen reasons for why he should turn around and keep his mouth. So: go to Eren, talk, see what happens. If a nine year-old kid can do it, Levi can too.

Besides, it’s time to take a chance. And while he’s at it, he’ll find Hange too and tell them to get their ass down to the orphanage to talk to Ravit.

Not many people are awake at the base when Levi shows up. The sleepy guard only takes a quick glance at Levi’s face-- all the more recognizable thanks to the scarring--before waving him through. Levi has only been to Eren’s room on the base once before since Eren prefers to come to him, but he remembers the way. He finds the door, knocks, waits.

No answer.

Levi waits a bit longer before rapping his knuckles against the door again, harder. Still nothing. Eren isn’t a heavy enough sleeper to make his way through that undisturbed. He must be out somewhere.

At a loss, Levi casts his eyes up and down the empty hall before heading for Hange’s room. Hange always sleeps in late between expeditions, so they at least should be in. They won’t be happy about Levi banging down their door so early, but Levi doesn’t care.

But when Levi raises his hand to knock, he hears voices inside.

“--can’t say I didn’t see this coming, but that doesn’t make me any happier about it.”

It’s Hange, their throat still deep with sleep. Despite their words, they don’t sound upset. Not much, anyway.

“I’m sorry,” someone else says. Eren. “I know--”

“--Don’t apologize. I’m glad for you, really. What are you going to tell Levi?”

As tempted as Levi is to keep eavesdropping, it doesn’t feel right. He knocks loudly, then steps back a safe distance so it won’t look like he was hovering with his ear pressed against the door.

After a moment, the door swings open and Hange peers out, grumbling, “Speak of the devil.” They turn back inside, then practically shove Eren out the door. “You two sort this out. I’m going back to sleep.”

Eren grunts in protest, but lets himself be pushed across the doorway, just barely clearing the space before Hange shuts the door on both of them.

“I need to talk to you,” Levi calls after Hange.

“Later,” they call back. “At a human hour!”

Levi sighs and turns to Eren, who is staring at his boots as though they hold the secrets to the universe. “What’s going on?”

“I need to talk to you about something,” Eren says, addressing the recently polished tops of his boots.

“Me too.” Eren looks up at him hopefully, so Levi adds, “You first.”

“You guys are not doing this right outside my door!” Hange yells from inside. “I’ll have you both court-martialed! ...Somehow.”

They relocate to Eren’s room. It’s practically empty, Eren’s few belonging either already packed up in anticipation of traveling again or put away for the next few weeks. There are two chairs in the room, one behind Eren’s  work desk and the other across from it, but Eren sits down at the foot of the his bed. After a moment, Levi sits down next to him, the three fingers of his bad hand just centimeters from Eren’s.

“What were you talking to Hange about?” Levi asks, making his attack before Eren questions him instead.

Eren grimaces, but gives in without a fight. “I’ve been thinking for a while,” he starts, each word slow. “About you.”

Levi’s heart leaps right up into his throat, the bastard. He swallows. “What?”

“Thinking about what you did,” Eren clarifies. He catches Levi’s eye and Levi falls easily into his gaze. “When you left, you said that you’d accomplished what you’d set out to do and that you weren’t really needed anymore.”

“...Yeah,” Levi says because Eren seems to be waiting for him to say something.

“Well, I thought I got it at the time, but now I feel like I really understand. So...”

Eren shrugs his shoulders up, down, and Levi fills in the blank. “You’re leaving.” Even as he says it, knows it to be true, he can’t believe it.

“After this expedition,” Eren confirms. “I just… it used to be that all I could think about was seeing what was beyond the Walls. But now that I’ve been out there and seen so much of it, I spend most of the time thinking about being back here.” He shifts sideways towards Levi, fingers curling until his pinky hooks over Levi’s. “With you.”

Levi stares at Eren, then down at their hands, and then back up at Eren again. His heart pounds so loudly in his ears that he wonders how the fuck Eren doesn’t hear it.

“And the kids,” Eren adds hastily. “If that’s all right. I’ve been talking to Headmistress Vreto and she said that there were definitely open positions and--”

Levi seizes Eren’s hand, shutting him up instantly.

“I’d like that,” Levi says. “I-- fuck. I’m no good at this.” Cheney made it look too easy. Levi shuts his eyes and makes himself take a breath before looking into Eren’s face again. “You-- you’re really important to me, you know? So if you were to stay, always, that would… I’d love that.”

Eren blinks in surprise, then beams and slips his fingers through Levi’s. His thumb strokes a slow, sure path across the back of Levi’s hand. It burned in the best way. “All right,” he says. Then after a heartbeat, he adds, “I’m not completely misinterpreting you, am I?”

“Am I?” Levi asks.

Eren chuckles and then leans over so that his breath brushes against Levi’s cheek. Levi turns his head obligingly. Eren’s eyes flicker down Levi’s face to his mouth and then he closes the last few inches to press his smile against Levi’s lips.

Levi finds himself smiling too.

* * *

“You never told me what you needed to talk to me about.”

“Oh.” Levi looks up from the pile of documents he’s helping Eren go through. As he suspected, Eren had neglected it all. Eren looks at him from across the desk with his eyebrows raised, so Levi hedges, “We kind of already covered it.”

“Uh huh, right” Eren says, grinning far too broadly for a Squad Leader two days behind on their paperwork. Even a soon-to-be retired one.

“I’m helping you with your damn paperwork, that should tell you exactly how I feel,” Levi says. “Besides, apparently everyone else knows too. Did you hear that everybody thought we were together ages ago?”

Two pink spots bloom on Eren’s cheeks. “Yeah. I, uh, actually...” He trails off, scratching at the back on his neck. “I might have, um, encouraged that.”

Levi stares. “What?”

“I didn’t start it!” Eren insists. “But when I heard the rumor, I didn’t really do anything to deny it. It helped keep people like Maureen off my back and I figured it wouldn’t get back to you, so you wouldn’t mind.”

“Well, it got back to me,” Levi says. “And I don’t mind. It would’ve been true sooner anyway if we got our heads out of our asses.”

Eren snorts and goes back to scrawling his signature. “Don’t think you’re off the hook,” he warns. “I’m gonna make you say it.”

Levi knows he will. No one is more persistent than Eren. “Get back from this expedition in one piece and I’ll say it as much as you want.”

There is that smile again, bright and crinkling the corners of Eren’s eyes. “Is that an order, Captain?” Eren teases, voice lilting on the title.

“It’s a promise.”


End file.
